what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
