That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
