90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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