Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
