Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
