Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
