Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
