he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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