i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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