But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
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