Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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