We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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