i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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