Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
