we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Did I show you my penis last night?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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