Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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