then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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