Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
