mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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