so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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