ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
