tell your sister to shave her snatch
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
