There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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