I skipped work to stalk him.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
