My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
