in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
