also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
