Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
