mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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