Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We have started to decorate penises.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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