you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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