I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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