I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize