I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
