What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
