I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
