haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
