My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize