i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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