i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
