can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
