I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
