I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
