I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
