I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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