when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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