dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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