Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
