it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
