I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize