I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
