you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
