I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
