So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
