My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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