Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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