i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
