He told me they were just razor bumps!
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
