Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
