there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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