another moral hangover. fuck.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
