Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
you never un-have a 4some
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
