TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
