At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize