yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
