I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
