A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
