he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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