she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
