so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
