she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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